Some days are harder, some days are easier.

Meleia and I both had terrible dreams about Mama last night. Hers involved her overhearing a conversation that Mama had faked her death, so she called her cell and Mama picked up and told her to forget about it and was really mean. Mine was me hanging out with her, and her telling me that she was disappointed in me, and that I didn't have the talent to be a music therapist. Mimi and I both woke up feeling terrible. I am so grateful for my sister; we remind each other what Mama was really like. Just as Meleia was saying to me, "You know she would have been fully supportive and proud of you," I was saying "You know she would never have left us if she could have stayed." It made me cry. Sometimes I feel like I have so much love in my heart for my family that my heart might explode. I'm so proud of each person and how they've come through and relied on God and made life go on. I don't know what I'd do without them. Life is continuing on and it makes me so excited...I've not let myself be so EXCITED for life since before the cancer! It's slowly becoming a thing of my past. It is still very much a part of my life; it's shaped who I've become and how my family has grown and the people around us have been impacted. But even though the pain never goes away, the hold it has on my life is slowly slowly slowly letting go.