...I'd never walk anywhere else again.
It's so revolutionary in the modern world to consider letting go of all opposite-sex relationships, in hopes that the relationship one has to look forward to, with "the one," will be all the more unique. Granted, it's difficult, but I think that when a person goes from relationship to crush to relationship, when they finally end up with someone, it's just a result of who lasted the longest...I don't know. I'd much rather be patient, and set apart, not always searching and experimenting and testing the waters of "could be's". God's sending me off on this leg of my journey with a painful first step. No matter the reasoning or good intentions behind an end-all decision, it still hurts when someone you care about decides that nothing's ever going to work out. And it's hard.
But I'm just realizing how much I don't need to worry. I just don't!! I can be hurt and sad for a little bit, but in all of that un-fun stuff, worry shouldn't be among the things making me upset.
So I want to build up my garden, grow and nurture the blooms that will climb the walls and carpet the ground, and bask in its fresh air and wild-rose perfume. I want to be a beautiful, untouched place of peace, a haven for my future love and a worshipful heart for God to be welcomed into. When the time is right, our paths will meet and continue on together.
Recently I discovered a rare breed indeed, one that truly puts the Lord's will, and others' well-being, above his own. It's so challenging to me. God has given me so much insight into what it truly means to follow him. Submitting to his will for others and not just for myself. (revolutionary!) Through such a person, God teaches us and sharpens us, and reveals a hundred more facets of what a life in submission to God means. It saddens me to think that such devotion (devotion that persists even when the will of the Lord directly conflicts with one's desires!) is such a rarity. Gradually so many give up in the tests of faith and opportunities that can strengthen us. But we can't give up; we have everything to gain by pressing on, seeking God when we can't feel Him, trusting Him when His ways don't make any sense. It's the hardest thing to do, but time and again, I come to the same conclusion: whole-hearted pursuit of my Savior will never be a disappointment. Trusting my God will never end in a broken heart.
It's days like today that my yearning to be with God, in the fellowship of His people in Heaven, seems so strong going from my heart to the sky that I feel it could lift me off my feet and into the air. No more pain; we'll be with the one who loves us for reasons we can't understand, the one who loves us more than anything we've ever felt before.
