walls.

It's amazing how I can sit in the midst of a group of the people who know me the best and completely mask the fact that something is wrong.

I wonder how many people do that on a daily basis and I have no idea they're going through something insane. I also hope that they'd feel comfortable enough to tell me no matter what it was.
But I guess we can just be guarded, no matter how much we love and trust the people around us.


to do list:
practice guitar.
practice piano.
swear off crushes.

I'm about to go on the adventure of my life, I want to start it with a nice clean slate.

God, I don't know why it's so hard to talk to you. Out loud. When it's just me. Well--me and You. I'm scared of what you'll say sometimes. And the fact that I've screwed up each day, in some way big or small, doesn't help. I feel like my small minuscule human girl-woman voice will just cut the deep silent air and make my prayer into something artificial and dirty.
I just want to be perfect in your eyes, because you deserve perfection and I am the furthest thing.
But then I remember that if I let Jesus in, you do see me as perfect. As righteousness.
I wish I could believe it in my heart and not just my head.