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I so want to be holy and set apart. And every day, I fall, I fail, I get sick of myself. So sick of myself. Of my pride and my impatience and vanity and emotions. I look back on the day and think 'Why did I do that? Why did I say that?'
I wonder why any God would love such a messed up thing.
Is this struggle going to be lifelong? Does it ever get the least bit easier to follow Christ? Life slips by so quickly, and the future's exciting, and at the same time, looking ahead it feels so long, and sometimes so tiresome.
Almost 20 years into life...sometimes I love this race I'm a part of. Sometimes they drive me crazy. So many opposites. Life is happy and sad and too long and too short and beautiful and terrible.

And then there's Jesus. This constant, ever-reaching Savior. And he was a human. And he was God. But he never leaves, even when we leave him outside, getting drenched by buckets of rain and he's knocking, knocking...
How could any God love such messed up creatures as us?
I guess that's the thing we won't ever quite understand (and I REALLY like to understand!).
But instead of it making me angry because I don't understand why, I'm going to just say, wow.

Cos I'm broken and twisted, and you are too, and living in this world, beautiful and bleak, makes me weary sometimes.
But hey, there's this God. He says we're not a part of this world. He made it for us, then we screwed it up, but he says there's something bigger than all of this. There's something greater ahead. The beauty of this world (you know, that swelling in your heart on a clear night of a billion stars, the wisdom of an older friend, that otherworldly joy that translates itself into a totally goofy smile on your face, the love in this world shining in the faces of little children), there's more of that to come. It's just a preview, for those who choose to let him in to dry off and tell you more about it.